There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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