plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
