i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
