It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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