so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
