i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
