And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
