....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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