his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I booty called her while she was in labor.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
