Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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