My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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