just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
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