You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
