No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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