ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
