how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
