After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
vagina is talking i cant
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
