have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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