the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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