So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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