he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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