My room smells like vodka and shame
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
