took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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