I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
