And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
