You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
