Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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