my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
