Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
