Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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