every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
