So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
