zippers are such a cool invention
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
