that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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