I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have feelings that need drinking.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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