i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
