the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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