Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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