I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
