last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I die, sorry about rent.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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