I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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