So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
