perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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