people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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