I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
