Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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