...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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