Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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