Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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