We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
