Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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