I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
