this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
