in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
