i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
