I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
