shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
