Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
In America we eat man semen.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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