I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
