Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
