New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
