This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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