you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
