Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I faked an abortion last night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.