Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
