Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?