Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"