had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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