why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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