jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
