Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
