I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
