What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
