It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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