This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
