I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
