fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
