Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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